Therapy

Hello! My name is Ian and have been struggling with my mental health during lockdown and this strange ‘new normal’ we find ourselves in (vomits).

I make a return this month to creative ‘work’ as a singer songwriter after an extended hiatus, since I finally admitted to myself (and everyone else) that I have not been well. So over the past 9 months I’ve enlisted the help of a trained counsellor and have been making some changes.

It’s rather like returning to work after your holidays and switching off the out of office reply. Like ripping back the curtains in the morning and the blazing sunlight flooding in, startling your eyes - it’s obviously nice to be awake, but also nice to have a cup of coffee and a chat before you get going!

I have had well over a year to reflect on why I have been feeling deeply unfulfilled by my work (cheers rona). The main culprit I have discovered is my own inner critic chewing my ear off. That annoying high pitched, Chipmunk voice in my head, chirruping away in the background ‘you’re not good enough’ – who’d have known I have never actually truly feel ‘good enough’… well I didn’t for a start! I guess it also doesn’t help realise how many arseholes you’ve surrounded yourself with over the years.

A brief word on therapy for the curious among you: picture peeling back the layers of an onion, each time you think you’re back to the heart, there’s another layer of trauma to work through. Except rather than being a tasty root vegetable, you’re ripping away at your own emotional skin; it’s painful and there are complex emotions to work through at every layer. To mix the metaphor even more, it’s like an infinite set of Russian Dolls with a grudge.

So why I hear you ask it different this time?

Up until now I’ve survived by working myself to the bone; grafting ridiculous hours trying to ‘make it’ whatever ‘it’ is. By doing so I’ve sadly neglected my own wellbeing – it got to the point that I didn’t know who I was outside of music. There was never a division between work and play, never time to be in the moment and truly savour it. Always on the run from something. And hearing my own deep thoughts for the first time is rather jarring to be frank, especially when they’re not so nice and misguided!

As I chat candidly to my counsellor each week, it dawns on me how toxic, competitive and corrupt the commercial music industry is and let’s face it - the world we find ourselves in nowadays. I discover I am addicted to my phone - social media..emails…Facebook Messenger… it’s like navigating the checkout at Aldi with an eager operator going at turbo speed, whilst you try and pack your shopping away. F*ck that, give me the prosecco, I’m off.

If we’re being honest with ourselves, social media isn’t about us really is it? It’s a wicked torture instrument, wielded by the talons of consumerism - if you don’t take part, you don’t exist mate. So many pressures on us all… age, appearance, being rich and being stalked by my old arch nemesis the dreaded ‘p’ word – ‘perfection’. Pressure also makes diamonds, right? But perfection kills art, and it has been killing me slowly up until now.

This is why making my song ‘Mosaic Heart’ has been so liberating. In essence, mosaics make something beautiful out of broken pieces, something more than the sum of their parts. They’re rather wonderful, aren’t they?

The music was recorded somewhen during that never ending, perpetual cycle of lockdown, the video filmed in my humble abode; crafted by my own fair hands. I found myself getting excited to go in and edit the video a little every day. I watch the video now and see all of the tiny lines and pores on my skin and feel authentic under those lights. My skin, like the song tells a story - it isn’t ‘perfect’ by any means, but it feels good. And it will feel even better as I get comfier I get in it.

I feel like I am coming back to life again.

There are so many barriers in place for artists – algorithms mean no bugger gets to see a lot of the content us artists post online. And the thing about making art is – you really do need to finish what you’re doing, declare to the world it is ‘art’, make some pretty packaging and find a gallery to put it in. It’s not easy my friend, trust me! Especially when no-one can see you have a gallery and it’s up to the Social Media Gods who sees what you’re up to.

Moving forward I’ll be migrating and posting all of my content to my own personal site. I’ll still post on social media a few times a week but all the juicy stuff will have its own gallery and an admission fee to help maintain it. I’ll let you know when it’s ready as it’s work in progress just like little me.

I also hope you enjoy the ‘Mosaic Heart’ song and video but if you don’t, no hard feelings – we can’t all have great taste in music can we?

The video wont be posted publicly until Monday 27th September 2021 but you can get the first viewing here before it does!

'Mosaic Hearts' will be released on 11th October 2021 through all major digital stores - pre order here.

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Radio Interview - Solihull Radio

On Monday evening MARKX was interviewed by DJ Rory James, of Solihull Radio - sharing the same lineup as Sting's producer, Kipper.

The candid discussion was centred around life in lockdown, inspiration and the new EP - 'Spirit' scheduled for release in January 2021.

In case you missed it you can check out the interview in full here:

You can also check out the video for 'For A Little While' here:

About the interview, MARKX adds:

"I love working with Rory and we've worked together on some brand new material for release next year. It's great to be able to support his amazing show and even better to be able to to an interview at home in your comfy clothes during lockdown!"

'For A Little While' is out now and available through all major digital stores now here.

#MARKX #MARKXMUSIC #britishartist #independentartist #singersongwriter #lockdown #music #vlogger #mentalhealth #britishsingersongwriter #popmusic #solihullradio #musicheals #breakupsongs #foralittlewhile #newmusic #radiointerview

Dear Rishi

I am writing to ask you when and how the government plans to safely reopen music venues, theatres and nightclubs over the coming months. I need to understand when and how weddings and parties can safely resume, with numbers more than fifteen, so I can return to work and get on with my life. I mean, I might even get married myself one day!

The reason I ask this simple, yet reasonable question, is that, effectively, my life and career are on an indefinite hiatus. I am completely at the mercy of your government's woeful decision making and utterly reliant on the compliance and goodwill of the British public, in order to gain some semblance of my 'new normal' (whatever that might be).

I found your recently 'retracted' comments to ITV about creative industries to be callus, insensitive and ignorant. I also can't seem to find the corresponding apology that followed it - perhaps I missed it?

I wanted to start by offering an apology of my own. I am sorry that you do not understand what it is like to have your whole livelihood torn from your fingertips overnight. I am sorry you cannot understand the effect that your unjustifiably imposed venue closures, lack of explanation, nor road map to recovery have on an individual's mental state and livelihood.

I am sorry that you have never seen the faces of a happy couple light up as you sing their first dance on their wedding day. I am sorry that you have never been in a packed bar on a Friday night and have never seen a band play live in front of a crowd of more than fifteen people. I am deeply sorry that your privileged life has never afforded you to witness us mere mortals, singing along and dancing, to escape the stresses and strains of our working week.

I thought I would speak to you as a fellow business man. In 2013 I walked out of a well paid corporate job to follow my passion as a singer songwriter. It was a tough slog over many years to work the circuit: to get taken seriously and to make ends meet. When I struggled to cover my bills I went door to door, venue to venue, sometimes offering to sing on the spot to secure work. Over 7 years I built up a successful business from scratch after starting with nothing.

The truth is our so called civilised society, of which you are the financial gatekeeper, is built on capitalism. This structure demands a level playing field for businessmen like you and I - currently your government have closed my playing field indefinitely without a reasonable explanation nor a way forward. You have simply excluded us from the game, yet your guiding principle means by default we should all take part.

Rishi, If offices and other workplaces can be made Covid secure, then so can wedding venues and nightclubs. If you don't know how to do this yet, you have at your disposal over 2 million creatives in the U,K. We are the free thinkers and the makers of miracles. We built our cities, not on economic prosperity and unlimited wealth but on rock and roll.

I would assume that being chancellor you were also aware that our industries contribute £13M to the UK economy every hour? Money aside, the fruits of our collective creative labour brought families together during lockdown. They provided comfort in sadness, took the edge off of the mind numbing boredom and loneliness human beings experience, when you force them into isolation against their will.

You may have recklessly dropped the curtain down on the stages and slammed the doors shut on our workplaces - but the truth is we still have our voices. We also have microphones, sound systems and a lot of amplification, which means collectively we can and WILL make a lot of noise.

Make no mistake: I will NOT be retraining. I have come too far to turn back now at your behest. I've invested thousands of pounds on tuition and equipment, given up two decades of my life and made immeasurable sacrifices to get to the top of my game. Instead of expecting the 2 million or so creatives and I to retrain, I would suggest that it is in fact both YOU and your colleagues who need to retrain - starting with empathy and interpersonal skills.

On a final note, it is I who decides whether my career and business is viable, not a man in a suit and tie who I've never met.

Yours frustratedly,

Ian

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